Supporting Your Writing Life, Uncategorized

How to Be a Miserable Writer

Hi, all. This is just a silly post to give you a break. Maybe you’ll get a feeling of “been there, done that” as you read through this list. I hope it can help to put some things into perspective, even though I’m being funny. We all get burned out, sometimes. We have all felt depressed, lonely, underappreciated, unheard, unhelped, and unequipped at one point or another. The world is full of enough people who will look down on our dreams. We can’t join them in their negative opinions. Stay positive, keep learning, spread your wings, and remember to never take this post’s advice…

love all.

RJ.

 …

How to Give Yourself Writer’s Block

→ Don’t look at art or listen to new music or read outside of your preferred genre.

→ Don’t do anything where you might accidentally enjoy yourself, thus forgetting for a moment about your mounting anxiety/inferiority because that might allow the mental/emotional dam of FEELING STRESSED and UNDER-QUALIFIED to break free, sweeping you away in new ideas like a river.

→ Avoid self-care practices; throw yourself into your work, making it your only hobby. It’s everything you live for. If you’re not writing, you’re not breathing. You’ll sleep when you’re dead. (And don’t even think about waking up before 11 or eating a healthy, nourishing meal.)

→ Don’t bother to fill up your “Creative Well” by watching movies or reading other peoples’ books; you might inadvertently give yourself ideas on how to have the Knight save the Princess. (I suggest combating this with welcoming the creeping sense that nothing you write will ever be truly original. What’s the point of helping an audience enjoy themselves if you can’t wildly thwart their expectations?)

→ Don’t spend time daydreaming about what your characters would be up to right now, in the real world, if they weren’t bound to your plot. Don’t picture them ordering coffee, meeting someone new, going clothes shopping, adopting a dog (even though they’ve been a devote cat-lover all their lives but there was just this one adorable puppy begging in the window and… how do things go from there? Yeah don’t even think about it.)

On Becoming Depressed and Anti-Social

→ Avoid listening to music—especially anything groovy that gets you dancing around like a moron—because you must act as dignified as possible. Writing is not for the free-spirited creative types.

→ Avoid sunlight at all costs. You should be working, not enjoying life. (And definitely never bringing your work into the sunshine with a pen and real paper.)

→ Confine yourself to a cramped, disorganized room—even better, mess up your entire house to distract you from writing.

→ Starve and parch yourself. Only drink coffee, Monster, or Redbull—never clear, clean water to keep yourself hydrated. If you can, get sick, so that you can feel badly about not feeling up to working on your WIP today.

→ Pleasant walks in the park are just a waste of valuable time you could be using to stare at a wall, raging about your Block. (And how much you suck and should just give up and give into taking an enjoyable night out with your buddies.)

Fostering the Sense of Inferiority and Impending Doom

→ Put all your eggs in one basket; if you can’t make Writing your full-time job in Six Months or Less, then it’s not worth it. Real writers/authors/bloggers don’t have a day job!

→ Always compare yourself to others when you read. Instead of learning from the styles and themes you enjoy most, do everything in your power to make an exhaustive list of how you fail at being like your heroes. (Special points for wasting time saying things like “I could never write this, so why try?” or “Why can’t I be that eloquent/funny/crude?”)

→ Try to come up with deeper, hidden meanings in everything. Especially the color of the door on the MC’s house. That’s how the Great Novelists did it, right?

→ Spend time despairing on your lack of education. All the Great Novelists of the past were smarter than you or me. Mark Twain was so brilliant, he dropped out of school at age 12 and educated himself in public libraries.

→ Question your originality, for there has to be something that no one’s ever thought of before?

 

Good luck!

RJ

How to be a miserable writer

 

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